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But, really- watch Game of Thrones.
The Foot Fetish Fiend
We all have that one friend (or if you’re me- fifty friends) that you keep in contact with but could go years without talking to and act like everything is normal the next time you see them because it is- people get busy with their lives and such and it is totally okay and understandable. Unless you’re me because then some weird shiz goes down.
My one guy friend and I have been friends since about eighth grade and we talk pretty intermediately due to our both busy schedules. No harm, no foul.
Welllllllll, it becomes foul… kinda.
Within the past six months, this guy and I have been checking in on each other pretty frequently. Nothing out of the ordinary. I haven’t seen him probably since high school so there were no alarms going off on my end because I was like, ‘when the f am I going to run into this guy? Probably never!’ I still have not run into this fellow in question.
When we were in eighth grade, this guy tells me a story about how some girl stuck her foot in his mouth or made him lick his foot- something involving felattio and a foot. I thought it was hysterical and wrote a short story about it. Following this short story, I proceeded to send him pictures of my feet .. I did this on and off for years, teasing him strictly out of jest. Welp- I was in eighth grade in 2005 so you can see this has gone on for a bit of time.
Last month, this story took a really weird turn. I sent him a few pictures of my feet at multiple times throughout the week because I knew he was feeling down and I was attempting to make him laugh.
What I didn’t know was that he was doing more than just laughing.
He told me that I was sending him foot porn and snuck a few winks and smileys in the conversation. I then felt a chill up my spine- wtf? Foot porn?
Then it dawned on me- the entire time in the twelve years that have passed that I have been sending this guy pictures of my feet, he was getting off on them.
Just let that sink in for a moment. Twelve years. My feet.
People like what they like and stuff and I’m not judging this guy for that- I just don’t know whether or not I should feel violated by the idea of my feet being sexualized.
Anyway- I then asked him if he was getting off to my feet which is when he confirmed that he was enjoying the pictures.
I happened to be sitting across from my other friend who I then asked if my feet made him randy and he said no.
Still, the guy proceeded to explain that yes- he was in fact serious. He then had the nerve to ask me if I was okay with the idea of this.
WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?
‘Oh, yeah. Sure. Here’s more!’
It is not like I am used to finding out that type of information… about my feet…
I then said something pretty vulgar letting him know that ‘I am not interested in partaking in your foot activities’ mixed with a camel and a cactus emoji. Use your imagination. He stopped answering me after that.
I have to say I did feel pretty weird about the entire thing and I still do. I mean, it could’ve gotten a lot weirder than that and I know this (clearly because I write these stories) but it was something I have been totally oblivious to the entire duration of this twelve year running joke. I sincerely thought it was a joke and obviously I wouldn’t have repetitively sent pictures of my feet.
So there you have it, guys.
My feet are the cat’s meow……
Something I never thought I’d say in my life.
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