Weird Crap Guys Say To Me #5.

You know at some point in time, I think I’m going to do a compilation post of just blurbs people have said. Each time I start a story I literally debate for about twenty minutes on which one I am picking. Even as I am typing this I am still unsure which one I will choose.

The Demon Dodger

Once upon a time when I was nineteen, I dated this guy who was pretty cool. (Spoiler alert: Obviously he turns out not to be that cool because he’s being written about) We went on a few dates and he was really sweet. When he asked me if I was his girlfriend, I grinned and agreed to the beginning of a relationship. I just want to start off by saying that this entire month was during my college years and it was a weird time in my life.

The guy and I had met while I was working at the same convenience store that I was talking about in story number four. He was extremely cute and always so inquisitive about my political views. (This is the part where I give a shout out to him for that.) Eventually numbers were exchanged and shortly thereafter he met all of my friends and family members. They all really liked him- which was weird because my parents are not a fan of people I decide to date about 95% of the time.

Things never got too serious. He was involved in recreational things (if you will) that I just didn’t have interest in doing. Sure, a toke here and there but nothing else. I stumbled upon jars of “mushrooms” that he was developing once and that is when I decided that maybe he is in a whole different realm than I am in. Welp- it got weirder.

One night, while sitting in his truck in a field- he decided to tell me that he fights off demons.

……when the hell did my life become Supernatural? No clue!

So we’re sitting in his car smoking and all of the sudden he starts ranting about the dead deer carcasses that were on the property (I still swear it was a township dumping ground for the bodies but whatever).

“Something spiritual is back here killing them all,” he said between drags. I remember Foster the People being on as the first album had just been released and was blowing up the charts.

“What do you mean?” I snatched the brown smoldering object from his hand for my own enjoyment and inhaled.

“I mean…can’t you feel it? Tell me you can feel it. I know you have a third eye.”

“Well- I mean yeah we all do mine is just open.”

“Exactly… look at all of the bodies out there. I fought something off here the other night.”

“What the heck do you mean?” I inhaled again, staring at him with the most confused look on my face.

“It presented itself to me.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

FOR WEEKS I heard about him talking about this demonic force and then him telling me he wanted to fight my demons for me too. I literally have to tell you that I am sitting here rolling my eyes at the memory of all of this. And now I am shaking my head.

So here I am, dating this guy who really thinks that he is Jared Padalecki.

The final straw was New Year’s Eve when he decided that he wanted to “sleep into the New Year” which to me meant get so obliterated that he couldn’t get out of bed. A few days later, we broke up. A week after that, I left for Florida to visit my sister.

While I was in Florida, trying to relax, this weirdo decides that he wants to call me about the “demonic force that is inside of me.”

I reiterated that he and I had broken up and I was done entertaining the idea of being haunted by a super natural force and ended the call.

A month later he decided to message my friend on Facebook, inquiring as to when they could hang out.

…….cause, yanno, who doesn’t want to play ghost hunters?

SO- even the cute ones are a little kooky and when they start talking about killing demons… run.

Run far, far away.

I haven’t talked to this guy in years and I literally did not think about any of this until today but it was weird. He was planning what sports our kids would play, what care I would drive- all on the same night that he asked me to be his girlfriend and I should have taken it as a sign. I was just drooling over him and didn’t care.

Looking back on it, I was headed down a strange road with this one.

I did get a good laugh out of this today though and I hope you did, too.

 

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